Route 1 or Route 2?

"When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle." (Exodus 13:17, 18 NLT)

Sometimes when I use my map app it gives me route options. Route 1 may be the quickest, but Route 2 has less traffic or stops. Generally I chose the quickest unless I know there's something I'd rather avoid like a dangerous intersection or construction.  In those cases, I'll take the longer route in hopes of it being safer.

As I read the Exodus story, this verse struck me. After 430 of captivity, the Israelites were finally free and instead of the shortest way out, God opts for the longer route. He knows that the threat of war may undo everything. He knows fear would send the Israelites running back to the security of Egypt (even though they were slaves).  

In taking the Israelites the longer way, he not only kept them safe, but He showed them how real He was. If they hadn't taken the route through the Red Sea, God wouldn't have parted the waters. 

God knows what we need. He knows if he leads us one way, we may turn right back around and be back at where we started.  It may seem better to us, but He knows what the outcome could be. Often we take matters into our own hands thinking we know a "shorter" way instead of letting things unfold the way God intended, but we miss the miracle and do more damage in the process. 

We all have out Egypts we need to get away from and Promise Lands God wants to take us to. Let Him lead. Whether it's the shortest, longest, easiest, or hardest, it will be anointed and full of miracles.

I Have a Confession

Since the title of my blog is "Confessions of a Church Girl,"  I have a confession to make.  I sin.  I know.  Huge shocker.  The problem with church girls like me is that often our sins aren't as visible as some.  Easy to hide and hard to change.  Unforgiveness, ignoring God's voice, believing and speaking lies told to me by the enemy...

In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve are filled with shame and confronted with their sin.  Their shame led them to hide as if God didn't know what they had done.  He could have come in like so many of us imagine He does...guns a' blazin'!  He didn't.  He allowed them to come to Him when they were ready.  While there were still consequences for their actions, God showed grace to Adam and Eve.  Adam and Eve's first act of shame was to hide their nakedness.  God, in our minds, had every right to leave them in their shame.  The only problem with that is shame does not come from God.  He had no desire to see Adam and Eve spend the rest of their lives in shame.  Verse 21 says this, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." (NIV)

Side note: I kinda think it's funny that God was the first fashion designer. I imagine a red carpet event and Eve is asked who she is wearing and she says she is wearing an original design by God.  Okay, I know that's not at all biblical and it's not funny that he had to even make clothes to begin with, but humor me.

God clothed Adam and Eve.  He provided a way for Adam and Eve to walk in a shame free life.  I wonder if Adam and Eve remembered their sin every time they looked at their clothes or remembered God's grace.

When I mess up, it's easy to dwell on it.  Sometimes I can kick myself for days.  Unforgiveness can linger for days, weeks, and I'm sad to say even months.  Even after asking for forgiveness, I continue to feel the shame and guilt.  Those feelings aren't from God.  They are from the enemy who would rather you wallow in your shame than walk in freedom, clothed in God's grace.  When we reflect on past sin, the key is to remember how GOOD He is, not how unworthy we are. We have to choose to focus on His grace and not on our sin.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV).  There is no amount of kind words or good deeds that can make up for the wrong I've done.  No amount of work for the kingdom will ever put you in a better place in God's eyes, just as no sin could make Him love you any less.  Don't dwell on your mistakes.  His grace is sufficient for you. Praise Him for that and continue walking in victory given to you in Christ.

What Do You Smell Like?

There's a beautiful Bradford pear tree right outside my classroom.  I see it everyday.  No matter what the season, this tree is beautiful!  From white to green to reds and oranges to bare branches, I love looking at it.  Smelling it in spring...that's a different story.  While the tree looks gorgeous, it smells nasty!  It's looks are deceiving.  Some friends of mine were talking about the aroma and I couldn't help but laugh.  We all say it smells like something different, but none of us say it smells good.  We all know it reeks!

As Christians, many of us know how to keep up appearances.  We attend Sunday school and worship as regularly as possible.  We serve in an area or two within our church.  We give when we can or maybe even regularly.  We support faith-based causes.  We live a good life.  We LOOK good.  Unfortunately, like the Bradford pear tree, we reek.  We reek of religion.  We reek of legalism.  We settle for a mediocre existence in hopes that what is within our comfort zone is enough.  If Bradford pear trees could smell, I don't think they would think another Bradford pear stinks.  Their aroma is normal and acceptable.  There are churches out there filled with Bradford pear Christians.  They don't see (or smell) what's right in front of their faces because what they see is acceptable.  They do what they've always done and keep up appearances...numb to the aroma they are giving off.

"For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?" 2 Corinthians 2:15-16

To begin with, we have to completely understand that our salvation isn't earned or justified by our own actions. Second of all, we have been called to be "the pleasing aroma of Christ."  It's pleasing to the One who ultimately matters, God.  It will get mixed results from those around us.  Some will smell its sweet, life-giving aroma and others will reject it.  Our "aroma" is given off by living as Christ did.  Loving God and loving others.  

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Start by listening to the Holy Spirit when He says to ask the lady in front of you if she needs any help.  Listen when He prompts you to pull over and see if the man walking down the street needs help.  Listen to Him when He tells you to pay for the car behind you in the drive thru.  Listen when He whispers that He wants you to encourage a co-worker even though you're uncomfortable.  The sweet, life-giving aroma of Christ will penetrate the heart of the person you are reaching out to and will draw you closer to Him.  Pray that your heart will be so in tune with Him that you will be drawn to love others.  If you hear Him whispering stop and listen.  It could make an eternal difference.

Why Blog?

Sometimes I wonder why I blog.  There are times that it helps me work through whatever issues I'm dealing with and other times God lays something on my heart to share.  A few of you who keep up with my blog have mentioned how much you can relate or that you love following my journey.  I'm humbled and give God all the glory. It's also encouraging to know I'm not the only church girl finding freedom for the first time! I wouldn't trade anything for where I am now.

I'm reminded today of how grateful I am that David spilled his heart out in Psalms.  It's so reassuring to see someone who experienced some of the Bible's greatest triumphs and greatest...well not so good moments...pour his prayers into songs.  This "man after God's own heart" was open, vulnerable, honest, and broken before God.

Read a few Psalms and most likely you will find one that reaches you right where you are.  Whether it's blogging or journalling, I encourage you to write your thoughts, prayers, and "God moments" down.

3 AM Revelations

I'm convinced when I wake up at 3 AM, God has something to tell me...something he wants to tell me so badly that He can't wait until the sun comes up.  For the most part, we are all the most vulnerable at night, and I'm more tender to His spirit when my mind isn't reeling as much as it is throughout the day. So 3 AM it is...

Friday night, we had a special service for singles called "One Night Stand" at Epic.  We covered 10 rules for dating and 10 reasons not to have sex outside of marriage.  Over the course of the evening, I was reminded just how little "life experience" I had in the dating world.  By the end of the evening, I actually started to believe the words I had said all those years to others when asked why I didn't date, "God is protecting my heart."  When I used to say these words, it was just lip service.  I came up with something that sounded legit and made people drop the subject.  When in fact it was more about fear and doubt.  (Those words seem to be prevalent in all my posts.  I have believed way too many lies from the enemy.  It has to break God's heart to know that His princess has believed that she's less than what He sees in her.)  The enemy had spoken lies into the waiting period I have been going through.  He had successfully deceived me into believing that my life without dating was due to something I did or who I was.

This morning at 3 AM, my mind went back to a story our pastor shared about a couple where the girl had saved herself for marriage.  The couple had decided to take it even farther and agree not to kiss until their wedding day.  (You guys have no idea how badly I wanted to jump up and say, "AMEN!") The Holy Spirit whispered to me, "I have been protecting you all this time, but you've been listening to Satan's lies.  You have allowed him to take what I meant for good and twist it into something it was never meant to be.  I have kept you from all this BECAUSE of who you are."  Obviously those words fired me up so much that I had to get up at and post.

I see people snicker when I even mention the notion of holding off on any type of physical intimacy until marriage.  They think I'm not living in this world.  I'm living here, but I'm not of it.

While I know my position in life is not that common, we are all, at one point or another, waiting on something. I believe God's timing is perfect.  I've seen it other areas of my life.  Whether it's waiting for "the one," waiting for a child of your own, waiting for peace, waiting for a loved one to know Christ, whatever it is, don't allow the enemy to undermine God's purpose.  Don't entertain His lies in the waiting. Believe the Truth in His Word.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[i] have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21


Just for kicks, I'm throwing in this Jamie Grace video!  Thought she was great before and love her even more now!

38 Pounds and Counting...

After going between the same two sizes for the last 15 years, I'm finally wearing the same size I wore my sophomore year in high school.  It's still snug, but I've had enough people comment on my baggie jeans, that I took the plunge.  Some people don't understand that the timing of trying on a smaller size is crucial when losing weight.  Try it on too soon and it can be discouraging.  My new jeans are fit just enough to look good, but they are not comfortable enough to indulge in unhealthy eating habits and have them still fit.

Friends always ask me to explain how I've done it.  I've been overweight since 2nd grade.  My body frame is definitely from the Lindsey side of my family.  I've endured teasing and suffered from some serious self-esteem issues, some of which I still deal with today. The enemy knows just the right lies to tell to get you to believe you are less than fearfully and wonderfully made.  He tells me, "Sure you're fearfully and wonderfully made, but it would be even better if you were skinny.  Fearfully and wonderfully made doesn't mean beautiful.  You have a beautiful face, but you need to work on the rest.  A good-looking guy will ever look past your appearance to see what's on the inside.  He's out of your league in the looks department.  He'd never even consider you."  Brutal, huh?

The last 9 months have actually been when I've lost the weight, but the journey started two years ago when I read, "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.  My eating was out of hand.  I ate emotionally.  I also shopped emotionally which not only made me obese, but in debt.  Once I stepped back and evaluated the reasons I craved foods or ate without thinking, I realized how much of a spiritual issue eating is.  He does care about what I put in my body, especially when I'm using it for comfort instead of going to Him.

Last May at my cousin's wedding, she wanted my family to have a picture made with her.  It was a head to toe picture.  You can check my Facebook...I don't do many of those.  When the pictures came in, I had my moment.  I had to do something.  Also during this time, my mamaw (who passed away in January) was basically bed ridden and I do not want that quality of life.

 I had lost weight on Weight Watchers before and it was a great head start, but it can encourage poor eating habits.  People on WW often sacrifice healthier foods for lower-calorie, processed, prepackaged chemicals.  After Mamaw had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I did lots of research and many of the possible causes are linked to the industrialization of food.  So for the most part, I ate things as close to the way God made them as possible.  I still made cookies and ate breads, but they were 100% whole wheat.  I ate very little enriched flour and only did it was when I was eating out.  I never ate prepackaged meals (Lean Cuisine) or ate out more than once a day.  If I had a Lean Cuisine, I didn't eat out and vise versa.  Why?  Sodium.  I also have high blood pressure.

In October, I cut back my 6-8 Diet Cokes a day to 0 for a few weeks.  The carbonation in these drinks lower your bone density and mine was borderline low for my age.  I dropped 6 pounds just doing that.  For a little while, I still had one or two a day, but at the beginning of the year I started drinking water and unsweet tea.  I might have a Diet Coke twice a week now.

Since November, I haven't been strict about any of it and now that I'm down another size, I need to get serious about it again.

If I had any advice for those wanting to lose weight, here it is:
1.  Identify if eating is a spiritual issue for you.  You don't even have to be overweight for that to be a problem.
2.  Don't DIET.  Create one or two "rules" at a time that you can LIVE with.  Set eating habit standards.
3.  Don't deprive yourself. Find substitutes for your favorites or limit your portions of the real thing.
4.  Join MyFitnessPal to count calories.
5.  Don't let the scale define your progress.  Make your goals things you can control like, "I will drink water and unsweet tea." or  "I will work out three times a week for 30 minutes."
6.  Get support!  Friends and family are critical for encouragement.

I'm NOT Crazy!

"You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

² 

You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar."

Psalm 139:1-2

Crazy.  That's actually a word I've used to describe what goes on in my head...a word to describe myself.  In our minds, we have this picture of who we think we ought to be based on the world around us.  I feel like I should have it all together.  There's no reason not to be.  Raised in church, great family, good job, nice house, but I know what really goes on inside my mind.  The constant spiritual battle that rages.  The lies I entertain for too long.  Doubts that I hold on to because it's easier to believe them than believe the Truth.  I know that if someone truly knew how messed up my mind is, they would think I was crazy, so I label myself that way.  Even if I don't ever utter the word, calling myself crazy is only an indication of one thing.  I don't measure up to the standards I've set for myself spiritually and mentally.  I have a laundry list of things that I think I should be doing in order to be at the place in life where I think I should be at this point.  All this because I have decided I'm not the person I think I should be (emphasis on the "I").  After realizing this, it hit me that saying I'm crazy is basing who I am on an earthly standard.  I had this pretty, hand-painted, Sunday School portrait plastered in my mind of who I should be instead of dwelling on who He says I am.  I am right where He wants me at this moment, spiritually, mentally, and physically, so that He can use me in the circumstances I'm living in.

God not only knows all my "crazy" thoughts, He created and loves my "crazy" self.  No matter where in life we think we should be at this point, God knows every step before we take it.  There's no point in wishing we were different (not to mention that by doing so you wish away who God created you to be).  There's no point in wishing our circumstances were different.  At that moment when you embrace your "craziness" as part of the journey and not as a burden, God can mold you.  He can change your thought pattern.  The problems and battles will not go away, but you will have the strength and wisdom to see them coming and discern Truth from lies.  It's not easy and it takes time.  Quit trying to live up to your own standards.  Embrace who you are.  Let God mold you.